So Amelia still sleeps in our bed with us, and is still nursed to sleep. I fight a feeling of guilt about this, as I had set my expectations that she would sleep with us for 6 months or so and then transition to the crib. I didn’t really have a plan on the nursing to sleep thing, but Tom’s justifiable worry that one day I might have to sleep away from Amelia does give me pause.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution, here we come. I know other parents have successfully used the Ferber “cry it out” method, but it’s just not for us, especially after all those months of colic. Pantley gives a bunch of ideas in her book for co-sleeping, night-nursing parents like us, and they’re all good.

Except I’m weak. And I’m especially weak when I’m sleepy. We have tried starting to transition Amelia out of our bed several times already, and I’ll admit I’m the backslider. I’m like an Olympic luge backslider, if you want a degree of slidage. After a couple of night wakings, it just seems the most sensible thing to go back to the uncomfortable, but functional status quo of sleeping with and nursing Amelia all night.

This makes me particularly worried for Amelia when she upgrades to her 2.0 or 3.0 versions. Will I give in to her every whim because it’s just easier? Will I, a woman who was the terror of her students when a teacher, become an over-permissive parent out of laziness? I would hate that about me!

So at this point, I’m aiming low: I’m going to just try and night wean – ie, get Amelia to stop nursing all night long. Then we’ll see about getting her to sleep somewhere other than in our bed. Naturally, the fact that I’m trying to change something makes Amelia that much more determined to keep everything just the way it’s always been, so I’m getting pretty crappy sleep these days.
I suppose I could think of it like exercise – not much fun but bringing wonderful rewards in the future. Except I’ve never been that good at sticking to exercise for that reason.

Parenting in many ways is like florescent lighting for the soul – it highlights all my faults and makes my good features look sallow. but maybe that’s just the exhaustion talking.